Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Understanding the connection between meditation practice and the rest of your life

I love the story of the yoga student that went to a four day meditation retreat, on the first day he went to the Zen master. Sitting at his feet, he asked, “Can you tell me how I’m doing in my (meditation) practice?” The Zen master thought for a minute, then said. “Open your mouth.” The student opened his mouth, and the teacher peered in and said, “OK, now bend your head down.” The student bent his head down, and the zen master looked into his hair, then said “OK, now open your eyes really wide.” The student opened his eyes, and the Zen master glared into them and said, “You’re doing fine.” Then he rang his bell, meaning the student needs to leave. The next day, he returned, quite perplexed by what had happened the day before. “I asked you how I was doing in my practice yesterday,” he said, “and you made me open my mouth, bend my head, and open my eyes. What did that have to do with my practice?” The Zen master bowed his head in thought. Then he said, “You know, you’re not really doing very well in your practice, and the truth is, I am not sure you are ever going to make it.” Again he rang the bell. The student walked out. You can imagine how confused and angry he felt. The next day he went back, still fuming, and said, “What do you mean, I’m not going to make it in practice? Do you know that I sit in meditation for an hour every day? Sometimes I sit twice a day. I come to every retreat. I have really deep experiences. What do you mean I’m not going to make it?” The master just sat there, apparently thinking. Then he said, “Well, maybe I made a mistake. Perhaps you’re doing pretty well after all.” And again he rang the bell. On the last day of the retreat, the student went back to see his teacher, utterly exhausted. He felt distraught and confused, but he was no longer fighting it. He said to the master.”I Just wanted to know how I was doing in my practice.” This time, the teacher looked at him and with no hesitation, in a very kind voice, said, “If you really want to know how you’re doing in your practice, just look at all of your reactions over the last few days. Just look at your life.

Understanding the connection between meditation practice and the rest of our life means addressing many different concerns. For instance, how are you practicing in your relationships--with your spouse, your children, your parents, the people at work? How many resentments do you still hold on to? Do the same people as ever in your life trigger anger, contempt, or other believed judgments? To what extent can you say, “I am sorry,” and really mean it? When a problem arises, can you say yes to meditating with it, even when you hate what’s happening? And when criticism comes at you, are you willing to work with your reactions when they arise, instead of justifying them?  

The answers to questions like these give us the measure of our meditation practice. This measure is nothing magical. It’s simply the increasing ability to know what our life is, as well as the growing understanding that to practice with our life means to practice with everything we meet. Meditation isn't just about sitting on a cushion trying to feel calm.

Most of us hold buried emotions. We might not be aware of them, but they can affect our mood and our relationships without our even knowing it. When we meditate, those layers of emotions are brought up so they can be seen and let go of. So there will often be periods, especially in the early days of meditation practice, when emotions keep bubbling up from inside. Just understand that this is part of the process and that it can ultimately be helpful to your emotional state.

One of the great practices for working with emotions is to embrace an emotion by making space for it. You begin by feeling the emotion, focusing especially on the energetic experience of it  rather than on the “story” it is telling you. Try to find the energy of the emotion. Notice what part of your body it seems to affect the most. Focus your attention on the felt experience of the emotion in the body. Breathe into it. Now imagine that a space surrounds that part of your body, including the feeling of the emotion. Let the emotional energy and space be present together. Without trying to make the emotion go away, notice how it will naturally pass out of sight, memory, or existence into the surrounding spaciousness.

Meditation always involves seeing our edge and taking a small step beyond it into the unknown. As a Spanish proverb says, “If you do not dare, you do not live.” Meaning taking a step beyond our edge of comfort. Still, we have to step toward our edge by ourselves. Instead of regarding our edge as an enemy, a place we prefer to avoid, we can realize that our edge is actually or path. From this place, we can take a step closer toward what is. But we can do this only one step at a time, persevering through all the ups and downs of our lives. We may sense danger; sometimes we may even feel as if death is upon us. However, we don’t have to leap in headfirst, going for all or nothing. We can simply take a small step, supported by the knowledge that everyone feels fear in stepping beyond the illusion of comfort.

When you meditate with emotions this way, over time you will be much less subject to emotional upheaval. Yet you’ll also be able to feel your feeling without being scared of them.

        Nancy Adams Certified Thai Yoga Therapist
Certified Yoga Instructor
and Ayurveda Consultant
These are my own thoughts. I sometimes take writings from others to support my own ideas.